A National Enquirer article came out a few days ago, talking about the darker side of the Duggar beliefs. The article accuses TLC of downplaying the scarier aspects of the Duggar beliefs. Good!  It’s about time. I grew up in a Gothard home, and it’s very scary what goes on. It’s quite true that they want to take over the government, though they wouldn’t phrase it that way (see the dominionism section for more info on that). QF philosophy is to outbreed the competition, though they probably wouldn’t phrase it like that, either. They would say their goal is to raise as many children for Jesus so they can win people for Christ, too. A euphemistic phrasing for what it is.

People were shocked when they heard Michelle and JimBob say they would have more children if God allowed. I wasn’t shocked at all: The Duggars are not about loving children so much that they have a pathological need to reproduce like rabbits. It’s about dogmatism. (Don’t  believe me? Why are they so anti-birth control? A misused condom won’t cause a miscarriage, and the Duggars know this. There’s obviously more to why they keep having children than what is shown on TLC.) But in the article, the Duggars deny that they are part of any such cult or the Quiverfull movement. I know why, so let me clarify a few things.

1. On Quiverfull

Michelle and Jim Bob deny they are part of the Quiverfull movement, saying that they are only evangelical Christians with a large family. Well, that’s what Quiverfull is, they just don’t call it that (it’s not just the large family aspect, but the fact that they don’t use birth control and trust God with the size of their family). There are two major Christian organizations that push the Quiverfull movement (though note that not every QF family is associated with either of these organizations): Doug Phillips’ Vision Forum and Bill Gothard’s  Institute for Basic Life Principles (IBLP). Vision Forum is even more extreme than Bill Gothard, with beliefs such as women are under the authority of all men, even their brothers and sometimes even sons once they reach a certain age. Gothard and VF are tied, but there are subtle differences. Many people deep within Gothard circles also ascribe to Vision Forum ideas. I don’t know a whole lot about VF, so I may be wrong, but I think that those in VF often have no problem calling themselves QF. I haven’t ever heard VF mentioned on 19 Kids, so we can assume that maybe the Duggars don’t go with VF ideas. They are instead like my parents, and are into Gothard.

I was raised in a Gothard home, as I said. But my parents had never even heard of Vision Forum until I asked them a few weeks ago. Gothard does not call his beliefs Quiverfull, but he advocates the exact same beliefs. He has a chart that shows how many descendants you will have in X amount of generations if you have more children. He uses the same Bible verses. He doesn’t call his beliefs QF, but a rose by any other name is still a rose. The Duggars do not call themselves Quiverfull, but they ascribe to the same beliefs. So yes, they are Quiverfull. So why do they say they are not QF? Like fundamentalism in general, people in the QF movement ascribe to different beliefs. I think QF is a fairly new term to describe what’s been going on for awhile, hence why so many people shy away from the term. It is a-religious. Some sects of Jews are QF, some Muslims (particularly in Europe right now, as I understand it). It may even be primarily a sociological term as opposed to a religious one.

2. On dominionism:

Even if they weren’t Quiverfull, that doesn’t mean they aren’t part of the dominionist plan to takeover the government. It’s couched in prettier terms. Christian dominionists believe that the country was founded on Christian principles, and want to put God back in the government. This means on the surface: prayer in schools, Bible study as part of classes, anti-gay rights, no more abortion, etc, etc. How far it goes depends on how far into the belief system a family is. My parents aren’t Quiverfull, but they are dominionist. They attribute the evils of the public school system to taking prayer/Bible reading out of it. They attribute abortion, crime, etc, to God being “pushed” out of the government. They want to win back the government for Christ.

One of the ways dominionists are trying to accomplish this is through brainwashing the young people. I used to be one of those people. Since I left home, something called Teen Pact has surfaced. My parents recently sent my brother to Teen Pact, which is “a comprehensive leadership experience that brings kids closer to Jesus Christ, makes them better leaders, and positions them to impact public policy in their state.” “Impacting public policy” means establishing ultra Right Wing conservative values in the government.

At least that’s voluntary. Some public schools and workplaces are using  Gothard’s Character First curriculum. Dominionism isn’t something far away that might happen in 10 generations if we don’t nip it in the bud. It’s already happening.

(For more information on what exactly dominionism is, click here, here, or here.)

3. On the cult:

Gothard is a cult. Having grown up and survived it, it is. One way you can tell is through the dishonesty he displays in presenting his ideas through his seminars. Here’s how it works: you must take the basic seminar before you take the advanced seminar. In the basic seminar, he talks mostly about how to improve your life. His examples are very mainstream. He uses an illustration where a woman wears pants. In his Advanced seminar, suddenly, women should dress modestly (a la the Duggars before TLC gave them a tv show). In fact, even wearing a bit of lace at the collar is immodest. So why couldn’t he be honest about what he believes women should wear upfront? It’s because you get more and more radical as you go. Why do the Duggar kids look so happy? Because you aren’t allowed to be angry in the Gothard belief system. Anger =selfishness= sin. You must always keep a joyful countenance, especially if you are in a position to minister to the people around you. Like on a tv show. So that the Duggar kids look and act happy means nothing. Maybe they are, but you wouldn’t know if they weren’t just by watching them. Fundamentalists, women especially, are great actors.

So:

This is why I criticize the Duggars. I am all about tolerance, but there are some things that should not be tolerated. There are some things that are evil, and it doesn’t matter how happy people are in it if their goals are bad. A radical group that wants to establish a theocracy is not something to take lightly, especially as they gain ground through inoculating people to their beliefs through shows like 19 Kids and Counting. People watch it and think, “Oh, how happy they are! Oh, how well behaved their kids are! We shouldn’t criticize them for that!” It’s dishonest to hide certain aspects of your beliefs (and yes, they do hide them. You don’t get to speak at a Gothard event unless you espouse their ideals). And we will tolerate them all the way to the White House, leaving us to wonder what happened.

Some churches are wonderful. They want to pay their pastor well, love him, and support him as he supports and encourages them. These tend to be the poorest churches who can’t afford to pay their pastor well, and are embarrassed. What they don’t realize is that many ministers would rather work for them than the other kind of churches. Because the other kind of churches make life miserable. Most Southern Baptist churches are not the above kind. If they were, you wouldn’t see the extremely high minister drop out rate and incredibly short average time spent at one church. The statistics are dismal.

You’re not very well prepared for it, either. Your classes teach you theology, sermon preparation, and other ministry related things. They don’t teach you the number of ways a church will try to screw you over. One of the ways they do this is through not paying their half of Medicare and SS taxes, as I wrote about yesterday. Another way is through the allure of part time ministry. Lots of ministers still in school like ministering on a part time basis. If you are a young minister reading this, be very careful.

Our first church was a part time youth minister position. We quickly discovered that “part time” to the church was an excuse to try to weasel two full time ministers (Bob and me) for the price of one part time minister. They said part time, but were angry when Bob didn’t have office hours or spend any time at the high school (we were taking college classes an hour away all day long). They were angry when Bob took another part time job, angry when I did. They didn’t think either one of us did enough, but we were working 20-40+ hours per week each. It was supposed to be a part time position, but they conveniently forgot this. It became an excuse to keep us under the poverty level, even though they were quite wealthy. This church had more money than they knew what to do with because they were so stingy with it. We both dropped out of choir and all of our extracurricular activities (effectively screwing me with my career when I graduated) to keep up with their demands. Any time we said no or complained about how we had to be on food stamps and medicaid when members of the church were donating millions of dollars to our school, they said, “Well, what do you expect? You’re part time!” We worked harder than the pastor himself, who was incredibly lazy, but since he didn’t have school, he knew how to hide it. (Not all pastors are lazy, but both we worked for liked to tell their congregations they work harder than they actually did. We would roll our eyes when Brother Jerry would talk about how hard he worked. I really liked our second pastor, but it was all I could do to keep from laughing when he talked about how he worked 70+ hour weeks. No, he didn’t. And the hours he spent in his office were spent reading golf magazines, so it’s not like he was hurting himself when he was working. Both did do visitation, but that was about it. Think it’s hard to prepare a sermon? Nope, it’s not. They both played politics just enough to make it look like they working hard! They both worked 25-30 hours per week, max.) We worked just as hard as part time ministers as we did full time ministers.

I know it’s supposed to be fine, working for God. But that is idealistic, and doesn’t play into reality. The reality is that you do have to put food on the table, and it’s hard to minister to people who purposely keep you below the poverty line when they most definitely have the money to do the right thing. It’s hard to want to minister to people who treat you like their personal slave, and threaten to take your job if you remind them that you’re part time (or in my case, not even on the payroll). It’s hard to minister to people who take advantage of you every way they can.

So advice to young ministers: don’t take part time unless it’s clearly defined in writing HOW it will be part time.

And advice to churches: treat your ministers better, but keep them accountable, too. Be fair.

“Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” -Matthew 22:21

It’s tax season! In the secular world, you hear a lot of complaints that some of these mega churches are tax exempt. What you don’t hear a lot of complaining about is that not only do churches not pay those kind of taxes, but they don’t often pay their half of their staff’s income tax, either. This forces pastors and other ministers to file as self employed, and they usually end up owing. It’s probably not a big deal to large churches and mega churches (who probably are large enough to have a payroll that makes it so pastors aren’t self employed), but smaller/medium size churches tend to completely screw their pastors over in this area. Of course, pastors are used to it, so it’s not like this complaint tops the list. And they aren’t paying normal income tax throughout the year, so it’s only fair that they have to pay it. However, Medicare and Social Security is something that is paid by both the business and the employee. When you’re self employed, you have to pay the entire amount yourself. This is fine for some self-employers, but the average church pays their ministers peanuts and thinks that because it’s ministry, ministers won’t mind paying the church’s fair share, too. Pastors aren’t self-employed; they’re employed by the church. Forcing them to file self-employed is dishonest and unfair.  It’s smart business to be a good employer. It’s common sense and the moral thing to do.

Yes, there are Benny Hinns in the world, but most pastors make average salaries and below. More often way below than way above. More on that later, but a good rule of thumb for salaries for ministers is that for a full time minister, their salary should reflect the average of what the church members make. Some congregations make more than others. Obviously, you’d have a few outliers in the completely unemployed and the filthy rich, but as a general rule of thumb, it’s good to follow. You don’t want your ministers starving or, ahem, choosing between buying gas or food for the week when the average salary in the church is well over 40k. But you don’t want the opposite, either. In order to do a good job, pastors don’t need to be consumed with worry about finances, but they don’t need to be drowning in money, either. Both scenarios lead to problems. Churches need to be fair: they need to pay their portion of Social Security/Medicare, and they need to make sure that their ministers are having their basic needs met. It’s just the right thing to do.

So in the poll, Revelation is winning for our next book to study! You guys hate me, don’t you? I might have to sneak a few of my parents’ Revelation material before covering that one. They have a nice collection of Hal Lindsey and Pat Robertson books on the Rev. My mom says it’s her favorite book. No comment on that. Anyways, if you don’t want to study Revelation (or if you do!), be sure to vote. I’ve moved the poll to the sidebar on the right.

Sorry for skipping out last week! I needed a blogging break, and I’m glad I took one. Maybe I’ll do a Sunday Sermon to compensate.

Anyways, to the good stuff. I can’t find my Bible anywhere. Julieanne has taken a liking to my old Bibles, so maybe she ran off with it. I have no idea. So now I’m reading on Bible Gateway with the rest of you (it’s that or read the KJV or Message versions!).

Matthew 15 (click to follow):

So the Pharisees are disgusted that the disciples don’t wash their hands before they eat. How did I miss this before? Shouldn’t Jesus, who is best buds with God, know about germs and how important it is to wash hands? I kinda have to go with the Pharisees on this one: Yuck! In true Jesus fashion, he ignores the question and accuses the Pharisees of breaking the law, too. In fact, he actually gets pretty mad, calls them hypocrites, and quotes Scripture at them. Hmmm, maybe some of these crazy evangelicals are doing what Jesus would have done! In psychology, we call that a defense mechanism. He then tells everyone that it’s not what goes into your mouth that’s unclean, but what comes out of it. Ummm. Germs, Jesus. Germs! But of course, if you could heal every sickness, I guess it wouldn’t really matter. I wonder if he was planning on curing everyone who got Hepatitis from listening to him? So of course the Pharisees are offended. I can’t say I blame them. Really, they just asked him a question, calling him out on his own hypocrisy. Jesus was pretty immature in the level of animosity in his response. He then talks in riddles again, saying that any plant his dad didn’t plant would be pulled up by the roots, and talks about how they are the blind leading the blind, and they were all going to fall into a pit. Right. Moving on to when Jesus calls his disciples “dull”.

Yes, he did. “Dull” as in dimwitted because they couldn’t understand the non-answers that came out of his mouth. Really, the way he treats them, I am not entirely sure how he has any disciples. Instead of getting offended that Jesus calls them the 1st century version of “morons”, they so politely ask him to just explain himself. But of course, Jesus answers in MORE “parables”. Yes, because they didn’t understand the first time, the best thing to do is tell an even more confusing riddle about poop (see vs. 17). Then he kind of explains, but using the same words he did above, still having no clue about germs. I harp on that a bit because, especially with leaders like Bill Gothard, you hear about how there were practical purposes to many rules in the Old Testament. The Israelites didn’t know about germs, but God did; hence the rules on meat and cleanliness. Therefore, we can trust that God knows what he’s doing, even if we mere mortals do not. But if Jesus was God (as Baptists and like-minded denominations believe), why didn’t he know about germs and why God gave the hand washing rule in the first place?

So then Jesus reluctantly heals a Canaanite woman’s daughter, because he’s just nice like that. Why did Gentiles latch onto Jesus so quickly again? He’s not very nice to them in the Bible, so I don’t think he loves everyone equally.

So, if you thought Jesus feeding 5,000 was great, he does it again. Only not quite so good. He only fed 4,000 people this time. But FIRST, he heals a whole bunch of people! Mute people can talk! Deaf people can hear! Blind people can see! Whole arms grow back! Oh, wait, not the last part. God really doesn’t like to heal amputees, does he? He might care about people more than birds of the field, but apparently he likes lizards more than people. Anyways, for whatever reason, 4,000 people went out to a “remote” place, and brought no food. They must have all been “dull”, because they didn’t have McDonald’s back then. Why would you go out to the middle of nowhere and not bring anything to eat? Sure, there would have been some poor people who couldn’t afford lunch, but wouldn’t the poorest be, um, working instead of taking the day off to listen to a dude who couldn’t speak a coherent sentence? But for whatever reason, Jesus is super nice and made so much food out of 7 loaves and 2 fish that he had seven baskets left over.

Matthew 16

So those damn Pharisees just won’t leave Jesus alone. They ask him for a sign that he’s the Messiah. Apparently, they haven’t been paying attention to all the people Jesus feeds and heals. Makes you wonder if maybe some of those things have been exaggerated, hum? Instead of a sign, Jesus gives them yet another answer that sidesteps the question. Jesus would have made a great politician. He never answers anything directly. At this point, I don’t expect a straight answer, and I just get annoyed. It’s not that I don’t understand what he’s trying to say (at least not all the time), but who does that? Who goes around and talks about what color the sky is or the digestion of food when someone asks a rather simple question? People in psych wards, law, and politics, that’s who!

So the disciples go on the lake, but forget bread. Really, why would you ever bother with taking food anywhere since Jesus can just make some magically appear anyways? Getting bread together just seems like a waste of time. And where are they getting money to buy stuff anyways?  So Jesus gives them a riddle. He says, “Be aware of the yeast of the Sadducees!”  So after trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about, Jesus once again verbally abuses them, and tells them how could they not know that the “yeast of the Pharisees/Sadducees”  really meant the “teachings of the Pharisees/Sadducees”? Yeah, I’m a little lost on the connection there myself. I have no idea what yeast has to do with teaching or why he couldn’t just say “teaching” instead of “yeast” in the first place. Seriously, that’ the only difference in the sentences.

After that, Jesus asks Peter who he thought Jesus was. Peter says “Christ, Son of the living God” (as opposed to the dead one, I guess!). Jesus is very pleased by that answer and tells Peter he’s going to be the rock on which Jesus will build his church (ouch!). So why is the majority of the New Testament made of Paul’s writings? No matter! Jesus tells the disciples not to tell anyone he was the Christ. Oh, yes, he did. So Jesus doesn’t want you to know about him today!

Then Jesus predicts his death, closing the chapter with a rather problematic passage for Christians:

Then Jesus said to his disciples,

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

Um, okay. First: “and then he will reward each person according to what he has done.” So according to Jesus himself, it’s what we do that gets us into heaven. Not faith, but “righteousness.” Which doesn’t make any sense in the context of a bunch of other verses in the Bible, both Old and New Testament, but I won’t get into all of that right now.  So much for the Bible being consistent! Secondly, the Very Big problem: “I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.” Are any of the 12 disciples still alive? Anyone? No? Churches try to get around this by playing all sorts of gymnastics with the text, but the truth is written right there. You can’t get around it any easier than you can get around anything else in the Bible you don’t like or that doesn’t jive with your viewpoint on life. Sure, you can get a PhD and explain it away. But if you’re going to explain it away, why not explain away some other passages in Scripture? The homosexuality verses, the anti-woman verses, etc. Take your pick! Heck, by playing the same gymnastics, you can get around the “Jesus is the Son of God” passages. Why cherry pick getting around the passages you don’t like? The entire foundation of Christianity crumbles on this passage, because it undermines everything else in the Bible. If not through literal interpretation, the games you have to play to get around it. And if the game you play works on this passage, why not every other passage? Where’s the authority? It’s gone. If you can get around this passage, why shouldn’t I believe there’s a way around every other one?

Thoughts? Reactions? And don’t forget to vote on which section of the Bible to study next!

Just for fun, I thought I would tell you the story of how Bob proposed. It was quite romantic. In fact, I bet it’s the most interesting love story you will read all year!

I went to meet his parents in Clovis, New Mexico for spring break. That’s an interesting story itself, but I’ll skip to the end when he told his parents we were talking about getting married. “When?” they asked. So we flipped through our calendars and decided on a year or two. We hadn’t really discussed a date (that I recall), so we hemmed and hawed about it. They informed us that even if he hadn’t proposed, if we were seriously discussing a date, we were therefore engaged in their eyes. Oh! Well, in that case, we better get a ring!

So when we pulled back into the itty bitty crap town we went to school at in Northeast Arkansas, we went to the jewelry store. Not exactly Tiffany’s, but they were having a “store closing” sale. What better time to get a ring?! Well, I was the only one with money, since I had gotten some from a settlement from my car accident. So I paid for my own ring. While he was standing there. I just bought it. $267 for the set. Yes, it was a puny little diamond. If you could call it that. (Later, his ring cost about as much as mine because he got titanium. Yes, indeed romantical as can be.) So I picked it out and paid for it and handed it right to him.

To make up for his poverty, he planned something very romantic. He picked me up and blindfolded me, took me out to an empty field where we sometimes went to look at stars, and proposed. And that was it. We were officially engaged. Hooray! Since we were engaged, I used the rest of my settlement money to pay off the rest of his lemon of a car. He then stuck me without a vehicle when we separated. Hooray for fairness and romanticalness! Sometimes, I feel bad for pegging him as kind of a bastard. Then I remember these things, and realize I’m quite justified. At least I got a good guy now (right? Steve?!)!

Engadgemunt Picshur!

I took a nice blogging break for about a week. I actually feel kind of refreshed, though a bit uninspired. I still have pieces of my story I want to share, but I don’t feel so heartbroken anymore. It’s a new kind of feeling and I kinda like it. Now if I could just figure out what I want to do with the rest of my wonderful life, I think I could consider myself mostly healed! Of course, there will be days and rough patches in the road ahead; I can already see them coming up. But it doesn’t feel like my entire life is a total disaster. Yes, my work life is still definitely a total disaster. I don’t really know how to fix that. I got desperate enough to read books with cheesy titles like What Color Is Your Parachute (which was surprisingly helpful) and I applied at a temp agency since I have no idea where we’ll be in six months (not so helpful; they didn’t even want me ). Oh, well, at least Steve is about to graduate (he got his regalia today!), so at least one of us can put food on the table! I guess I could go back to doing exactly what I was doing before I de-converted: be a permanent housewife; an upgrade from my current temporary basis, but I’d rather not. It’s not really how I picture my life anymore. I thought about writing a book, but realized I wasn’t quite ready for that yet. So I don’t know what I’ll do. We’ll see. Story’s not over yet, though the interesting parts may be!

Anyways, like I said last week, I will probably cut down on my posting, but hopefully now that I’ve had a few days off, I can start resuming the interesting posts, rather than the “I’m still alive!” ones. Looking forward to it! (Stay tuned at midnight, CST for the story on how Bob proposed!)

The problem with being taught to trust only God and the adults around you is that you don’t learn how to make decisions for yourself. I find myself completely unprepared to cope with the world around me. In some ways, it keeps me young: everything is new and exciting and I can do whatever I want to do or be whatever I want to be. But simultaneously, it’s like eating vanilla ice cream your entire life, then being taken into a Baskin Robins. The colors, the flavors! How can you choose just one? If you’ve grown up in Baskin Robins, you might have a hard time deciding between the Rocky Road or Bubble Gum, but you know you don’t like pistachio so you stay away from it. But the first time, it’s all bright and beautiful, and you wish you had 31 Lives so you can taste it all.

I am at a point where I am quite glad I survived and got out of a horrendous marriage and fundamentalism (not at the same time), and while it’s part of me, I don’t want to be defined by my past circumstances. I want to push forward to the future: I want to finish school, get a job, have more kids, and live as happily ever after as exists. I haven’t posted the last few days because I have really been focusing on de-zombifying my life: eating well, cleaning my house, playing with Julieanne, and being present in life instead of trying to just get through it.

What will I do with this blog? I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been contemplating. Life will never be perfect, and writing will always be an outlet. My story isn’t finished so I am not finished blogging. But I think it will mean posting only a few times per week instead of every day, at least for awhile while I work on becoming a person again. I will also continue the Wednesday Night Bible studies because those are fun (I know I haven’t posted one today. It will probably be Thursday Night Bible Study this week). It’s a good thing: it means I’m progressing; coming into my own instead of fixating on the past. There are still some past things I want to share, but I want to wait until those things are not emotionally charged because I want to lead a good quality life; I don’t want to wallow anymore. At least not this week. Maybe next week.

Yesterday, I remembered what it was like to have fun; to let loose and just enjoy life. It was the first day in awhile that I could relax and enjoy myself without worrying about everything. I had forgotten what that’s like and I didn’t even realize it. And now I totally feel like a person again. I’m ready to tackle the world and whatever it has to throw at me. Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t just focus on getting through until something better came along; yesterday was the better. And I realized what my life is probably going to be like in about a year, and I like it! Bring it on, world, because I am so ready to conquer you!

I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day, but between the massage, lunch, shopping trip, clean house, and dinner, I think I’m going to have to change my mind.  . .

Hang in there, folks. Life will eventually get better, even if you can’t see it. Not all at once, but slowly. And the other side is totally worth it. Not that I’m all the way there yet, but I am so close. I think. Yeah. And see, this is me being scared that it’s an illusion. But you know what? I’ll take it even if it is because is the best gosh darned illusion ever!