From Missionary to Pastor’s Wife (to Atheist)
Monday, January 25th, 2010
How did I manage to get myself into such a predicament regarding my career choices? I’ve mentioned how I have a psychology degree a few times. But what possessed me to get one in the first place? My parents told me they didn’t want me to get a psych degree, though the reason they gave was that they were afraid of the secular philosophy encompassed in it.
Back tracking a bit to my senior year in high school, two things happened. One, I took a psychology class and hated it. My teacher, though certified to teach it, did not really enjoy it. She would rather teach her major, which was history. Our class ended up having Survivor parties every Friday (or Thursday?), the day after it aired. Lots of fun, but not very worthwhile as far as psychology goes (though it is definitely fun to analyze the contestants and their interactions!).
The second thing that happened was that I felt called to the mission field. I wonder now what would have happened if I had done that instead. I think I would have enjoyed it a lot more, and probably would have stayed in Christianity at least a lot longer, as I would not have questioned my faith quite so much. I love traveling and experiencing other cultures. I even went on a mission trip to Venezuela at the age of 13 and I loved it. My mother told me she could see me as a missionary, and I really had a passion for it.
But toward the end of my senior year, I felt God calling me to ministry in the States. I felt kind of disappointed, but I really felt called to be a pastor’s wife. I figured God had tested me to see if I showed willingness to go wherever he called, but really wanted me elsewhere. The next fall, I started college as an English major. I had no idea what I wanted to do with it. Deciding I didn’t want to teach, I decided to place my faith in God and wondered what degree might help me the most as a minister’s wife. After loving my psychology class, I thought majoring in family psychology could prove useful to my husband’s congregation. Figuring my parents’ concern over psychology evaporated as I attended a conservative Baptist college, I excitedly enrolled in some courses.
I married Bob the summer after my sophomore year in collge. I graduated seven months pregnant. By that point, my religious views had moderated quite a bit and I no longer felt God really cared if I stayed at home or worked. However, I didn’t figure anyone would hire a very pregnant woman, so I didn’t even bother to apply.
After Julieane was born, I wanted to apply for jobs, but Bob’s graduation loomed just a few months away and I would start graduate school for counseling. I decided not to apply for a job I knew I could only stay at for a few months. When we wound up in the worst little town in Arkansas, there really just wasn’t anything I could do. That is how I ended up divorced and jobless, with no experience in a tanked economy. When I divorced, I lost most of my references. I worked very hard at the churches we attended, but like Bob is going to give me a good reference! So I have lots of experience and no one to back it up. This is why my resume sucks. It’s really worse than having no education, because I am overqualified for fast food/retail kind of jobs (I tried working an evening job once, and with custody issues, it did not work anyways), but with no experience and no references, I can’t really get the jobs I am qualified for, either. Especially when there are so many other psych students looking for jobs out there.
So all I can say is that if you want to be a stay at home mom or in the ministry, make sure you have your bases covered. Volunteer for something outside the church at the very least (I know, like you have time!). Yes, I was sure I wouldn’t ever get divorced, too! 
(And I do volunteer now!)
Tags: Job, minister's wife career, psychology, stay at home mom
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January 25th, 2010 at 1:30 am
Mind my asking which part(s) of Venezuela you visited? I know several people who lived there or grew up there.
January 25th, 2010 at 1:37 am
We stayed primarily in Caracas, but we did take a trip out to a tiny town called San Antonio (but I think there are a bunch of San Antonios, so it doesn’t mean much!)
January 25th, 2010 at 6:30 am
I can just see your mother’s face when you were born. I suspect she had all kinds of hopes and dreams for her little girl. I can even see your fathers face as he held you for the first time. You were the center of their attention at that moment and the apple of their eye.
If I were you, I would make sure to keep a journal that looks at both the pros and the cons of your current experience. I think a book titled, “Journey through Atheism” would be a big seller!
I am sure your parents have no idea what the Lord is doing with your life right now. One part of them feels like a total failure, another part of them most likely fears like they have lost you forever; however, I am sure that Lord has a reason for your current path. I know your parents are holding onto a glimmer of hope…but they simply need to have faith because our God is an awesome God!
God Bless…
January 25th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Ah, the old “look at what it’s doing to your parents” guilt trip. I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve gotten that one from people who’ve heard I’m an atheist now. Funny how they never seem to worry about how much grief it causes a Hindu or Muslim mother to hear that their “baby” has converted to Christianity.
January 25th, 2010 at 7:58 am
my mother once told me i’d look good with an ear-ring, I think she favoured the pirate look, but it’s not for me so I went against her advice.
January 25th, 2010 at 8:29 am
Ah Zdenny, I too can see your mother’s face when you were born. I’m sure she knew you would accept her beliefs without question. Knowing that if she fed you all the correct talking points you would be unwavering in your devotion to ancient superstition. I’m sure you are still the apple of your parents’ eye.
If I were you I probably would not write a book. Living a life as a Christian is what 80% of this country does, and despite your religions constant pleas that you are special and deserve special rights because you are in the majority, I doubt anyone would buy a very familiar life story.
I am sure that whatever you do, you will justify it with claims that its what the Lord wants. Despite the fact that you could never present any evidence as such. But I’m sure your parents will agree with whatever you say about it. I’m sure you think you have a reason that you’re on the “Lord’s path”, but I hope you come to a life of logic and reason.
January 25th, 2010 at 10:52 am
My parents made it particularly difficult for me to go on a missions trip when I was young. There was one that I was very passionate about, but they were very concerned for welfare in going. I often wonder if I hadn’t been allowed to “grow into” more exciting roles within Christianity, would I have stayed with it longer.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Cool, thanks Laura. I don’t think I knew of many missionaries in Caracas, most of the people I knew just went through there all the time on their way in and out of the country. Sounds like a fun trip.
January 25th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I know it’s rough out there, hope things turn your way soon Laura.
Regarding the being “called” to do X or “called away” from Y, I’ve always been very suspicious of that term. My parents didn’t take us to church or mention god much, but most of our relatives are incredibly religious (in the obnoxious/scary way) and I’ve heard that term a lot. Usually to justify a selfish act or to get out of doing something unpleasant or scary. Looking back on that time, do you think your “calling” was more fear of taking the leap on you own? I mean no disrespect by the question, I’m really curious.
(By the way, I have an unused psychology degree, too! Closest I’ve ever been to using it was working in Human Resources. And now as a mom, I guess!)
January 25th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Robin, looking back, I wouldn’t be surprised if you are right. Either that, or just the fickleness of a young woman raised to want to serve God, but unsure as to how. Maybe both. I don’t know. But I do remember being a bit afraid. I remember asking God if he would be so kind to please let me at least get married so I wouldn’t be alone on the mission field.
Of course, I was terrified that if I planned my future around being a minister’s wife, then I would end up single, too. But I had faith on that one. Of course, there are more ministry majors than mission majors, too. I don’t know. Good question.
And no worries, it didn’t come off as disrespectful in the least.
(Oh, so what do you do now? If you don’t mind me asking! I am trying to get ideas.)
January 25th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
I stay home with my two little boys. I’m interested in how your career path goes, my resume is pretty sparse too! My last job was doing real estate closings for an attorney who is now in jail for tax evasion. So, no reference there, lol!
January 25th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Oh, wow! Okay, so we are in a similar situation!
Is staying at home what you want to do, or are you doing it because of the sparseness of your resume? (Sorry! I know I am being nosy! :S )
January 25th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I’m also in a career hiatus. And I just found out how easy it is to tell others what to do, while it is so hard to counsel ourselves.
I will give you my two cents anyway. If I were you, I would put together a resume with my psychology degree and all my Christian experience: youth leader, Sunday school teacher, kitchen jobs, and what not. Then I would apply for jobs as a community worker of some sort. You sound so highly employable to me!
Unless, of course, you’re like me, and you really don’t like working with people, in which case, you and I both are screwed.
January 25th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Yeah, I’ve applied. But who am I going to put down for references? Therein lies the problem. I can doctor my resume. It’s gotten me 2 interviews. But when they go to check my references, I lose the job because I don’t have any professional ones.
January 25th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Laura,
Are you really sure that none of the Church Folk would provide you a reference?? Sheesh, if so, that is really really horrible. What you are now should not influence how you did your job when you did it.
January 25th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Where I did the most work was our first church, and they did not like us. Our second church liked us, but most of what I did was behind the scenes stuff for Bob. After we split, he went back and gave them some sort of sob story. They don’t really know what I did, anyways. They were nice to me, but they didn’t really approve of my skipping out on Sunday school and evening services, either (Julieanne was the only baby there, so there was no nursery program. It’s a long story, but the short of it is that I wound up getting dressed and ready to go play with my own kid and only my own kid in the nursery because nobody cared enough about it to volunteer. They were only mad when I finally put my foot down and said if I was only going to church to watch my own kid, then I wasn’t going to go. But they still didn’t care enough about it to do anything!)
January 26th, 2010 at 1:49 am
My resumé is also spotty. I have a few degrees but no professional experience. When I got kicked out of grad school, I didn’t feel like I’d be able to get a job, so I stayed home and took care of our daughter (the child care shortage where we lived also played a role in that). That continued until she started school. Since then, I’ve had some clerical jobs and have gone back to scool to become a librarian. Not my dream job, but it seems more interesting and better paying than being a file clerk.
I’m believing less and less in the concept of a calling or vocation, even if we dispense with the idea of someone being there to call us to it and just call it resonance with our work or flow. Some jobs will fit us better than others, but no work situation will be perfect.