The Atheist Prayer
Sunday, December 27th, 2009
The number of atheists in my family is growing! Sort of. My brother and I became atheists independently from each other about the same time. One day, we were talking, and the truth just kind of came out. So it’s been the two of us saying the “atheist prayer” at family dinner: you know, the way the atheists and other non-religious folks often look around at each other and wink while everyone else has their head bowed. Since Steve came with us on Christmas, there were three of us! Since Julieanne claims she’s an atheist (maybe–she believes in Santa, but not Jesus, haha), maybe that makes four of us! For today anyways. Counting only adults (18 and over), we had 30% atheist, 50% conservative or fundamentalist Christian, and 20% I’m not sure about–I think moderate Christian, but I could be wrong. So we’re pretty polarized, but at least it’s no longer 90% vs. 10%.
It went pretty well! No discussion of religion, and only one anti-Obama voters remark which we ignored, so things stayed pretty nice. It was, however, a pretty harrowing trip down there thanks to the ice on the road. Things cleared up pretty well after about an hour and a half of driving, so we made it in time for Christmas dinner. Not without the ice screwing up a sensor somehow, though, so we drove worried our ABS was about to go out. Fortunately, it didn’t go off on the trip home, so we can spend our Christmas money on some desperately needed new tires! Yippee!
I also broke a tooth. I’ve had a cracked molar for years, but haven’t had the money to fix it. (I have several thousand dollars worth of dental work that needs to be done. I was working on it slowly, but getting divorced screeched everything to a halt.) It finally broke, so it’s Tylenol and mashed potatoes until at least Monday when I can get to the dentist’s office. There is still no way I can afford to fix it, but fortunately, despite the fact that my family and I do not see eye to eye on religion at all, they still care about me. So they’re helping me out. It’s a good thing, too, because you don’t want to walk around with a gaping hole in your tooth.
But I do hate the dentist with an extreme passion. It’s because I’m a redhead. 
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December 27th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Love the whimpy red-head link ! Good luck with the tooth. And I am going to quote you on the “Atheist Prayer” — that is fantastic. Saw you on “A time to Sew” site.
December 27th, 2009 at 6:01 am
I think it is interesting that you use the word love. In the mind of an atheist, the only time a person really loves another person is when they have positive feelings towards another person. Atheism results in a type of bondage to feelings.
On the other hand, you were being helped out by people that don’t have a positive feelings towards atheism which means that using atheistic philosophy they should hate you. In fact, they would be justified in their hate towards you.
I hope you can see the superiority of Christianity and how it brings all of humanity into the reality of love eventually. The fact is that some (including all atheist) have to learn how to love people who disagree with them. I have found that atheist are not able to rise above criticism when they get that negative feeling, they always lash out. The reason they are unable to do that is because they are unable to love.
In fact, I have never met an atheist who is capable of love. I know they all have feelings and that a good feeling becomes love for them; however, I have never met an atheist who actually knows how to love a person who they disagree with.
I suspect that some atheists can fake it if they have seen others love; however, I know from experience that as soon as you are out of the room, they curse you in some way if your were authentic about who you are with them.
The other aspect of Christianity that atheism can never compete with is in the field of beauty. Beauty belongs to the Christian alone because we recognize the value of structure and rules that make up the reality of beauty.
December 27th, 2009 at 7:34 am
@zdenny
I’m sorry to acknowledge how little you know about atheists.
We are capable of deep love and tolerance, and we respect other people out of empathy, not because “god said so”.
Regarding beauty, how can you tell? Have you ever been an atheist to know how we feel?
December 27th, 2009 at 10:37 am
The “rules and structure that make up the reality of beauty” are comprehensible only to Christians? WTF?
So much for the people who gave us:
Zen gardens
Zen painting
Islamic calligraphy and decorative arts
Chinese and Japanese calligraphy
The Parthenon
the Taj Mahal
traditional Balinese dance
And what exactly is Christian about the “rules and srructure” underlying aesthetics and the beauty of nature such as:
Music theory (Western and otherwise)
Sonata form (in Western music)
the various meters of poetry (Iambic Pentameter, etc)
Color theory (the color wheel, etc.)
The Golden Mean
Fractals
Geometry
…just a few off the top of my head.
December 27th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Ha, I like that,”atheist prayer”. It’s an apt description of what happens at my own family gatherings. Everyone else bows their heads and my sister and I make faces at each other. My wife is still too afraid of offending my parents, so she doesn’t do the winking/making faces part.
@zdenny
In case you weren’t aware, we also have sharp, retractable claws, so be careful when coming within arm’s reach of an atheist. Oh, and we’re 10x more susceptible to rabies than Christians, but most of us are really good at concealing the oral foaming. If you’ve been around an atheist and shortly after discover cuts or bites on your body (especially around the neck), see a doctor immediately.
December 27th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Oh, zdenny, what happened? You were getting so much better about not writing the assumptions and triggering comments.
December 27th, 2009 at 11:34 am
I’m lucky to have a great dentist! I feel your pain, so try oil of clove for the tooth pain.
Not being able to love, hmmmmm. I love my three kids and still have a special place in my heart for their mother. I have more “love” in my heart now that I’m without faith or dogma. I live this life for what it is, me only one. My hands work now, not idle folded in prayer.
I really don’t like folks who tell me what I believe and how I think. That’s about all I’ll say about that.
December 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
slightly confused on the percentages you gave.
33+66+33=132.
December 27th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
pfffft, guess we know why I don’t teach math! Lol, I can’t believe I didn’t catch that. I’ll fix it right away! (It *must* be the tooth pain! Yeah!)
December 27th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Come on, she was only a little off, because we all know that:
33 + 33 + 66 = 108
[base 8, of course -- go ahead, I dare you, do the Math]
You 10 fingered folks are always ASSuming base 10 !
Remember, she is a red-head, they carry lots of baggage.
December 27th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Damn, she fixed it. Too late.
= 108 (base 10)
33 + 33 + 66 = 154 (base
See could have just touched it up a little to be:
= 100 (base 10)
30 + 30 + 64 = 144 (base
Do your brains ache yet?
December 27th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Wow, if you write “base 8″ and put parenthesis around it, you get:
(base
Sorry, in a chatty mood
December 27th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
yeah, what he said. That’s *exactly* what I was going for! (Hopefully, Sabio will stick around and twist all of my mistakes and typos so they sound like I’m *really* a genius!)
December 27th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Zdenny, you do have one positive effect: the face-muscle workout I get every time my jaw drops when reading your comments.
My question to you: why is it so important to you that Christianity is superior?
If you would truly believe in the perfection & rightness of your choice and your God, would you then not automatically be above anything said or written that goes against your religious views?
p.s. Laura, I would understand if you don’t want me to put this question here, for fear of things getting out of hand.
Hope you had a Good Turkeyfest
Love, Eliza
December 27th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I like conversation to go where it leads. As long as posting guidelines are followed (ie, no personal attacks), I don’t care what is discussed on the threads. Natural conversation bounces all over the place. Friendly challenge/debate is always welcome here. I won’t step in until it gets out of hand, so until then, readers have free reign. Have at it!
December 27th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Zdenny just trolls and tells people what they believe. So might as well return the favor. Zdenny and all Christians believe in the toothfairy and don’t know the emotion of grief. They can’t truly grieve because of (insert wild misunderstanding of Christianity or philosophy.) Go troll away Zdenny you must feed off of the reactions that your wild accusations create.
December 27th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Earlier this month, I had my parents over for dinner. My dad is a fundamentalist minister. I realized that it was ok to let him have a prayer before the meal. I handled it by asking my father to “lead us in a customary blessing.” Said that way, it leaves it open to any kind of blessing, toast, or short speech.
I’m going to do that from now on. For one thing, asking someone to “lead a blessing” is an honor among fundies and it gives me much more flexibility.
December 28th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Haha. My not-in-laws say grace and it’s the same one every time (not the long, rambly, personalized ones I remember from when I was a kid) and then they cross themselves. It apparently never occurs to them that some people at the table DON’T know the grace by heart so it’s LordJesusGodmumblemumblemumble weirdhandmotion eat!
My kid has to be stopped from digging into his plate and by the time he looks up they’re half done and he’s like, what? what the hell is going on here? It’s hilarious.
December 28th, 2009 at 4:37 am
Hi Laura, I found your blog through the Friendly Atheist.
I’m from Finland and never seize to be amazed about how intolerant the ‘land of the free’ seems to be. Freedom of religion, as long as you choose Christianity.
I don’t think I’ve ever really believed in Christian God, and my family isn’t particularly religious. We went to church once a year, on Christmas, like most Finnish families. I did go through confirmation, but that wasn’t so much about believing in anything than everyone else doing it, having fun and hanging out with friends. Later on, I started to actually think about it and found myself an atheist. It has never been a case of announcing it, as it’s not a big deal to anyone. Just as it shouldn’t be. My parents respect me just the same, realize it has nothing to do with them, it’s my life and my decision. Frankly, they don’t really care. It’s just religion. Or the lack of it.
I don’t say grace in my house, and would find it very offensive if my guests did that (I don’t even know anyone outside the US who says grace). If they really want to, they can say it quietly to themself, but I will not have that in my house, I want more respect from my guests. I have been a guest in a household that does say grace (in the US midwest), and I can respect their custom. I just didn’t participate, didn’t even pretend to. And then (to the dismay of the parents, haha!) explained the kids why I didn’t. They didn’t know you could believe in a different god or not believe in any god, but are a little wiser now
Had the same conversation on Sunday morning when I stayed behind watching telly when they went off to church.
December 28th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Heh, speaking of grace, remember these?
Rah! Rah!
Thanks for the grub!
Ya-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-y GOD!
and-
Good bread, good meat,
Good God, let’s eat!
December 28th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I love the “atheist prayer”. At other gatherings of family and friends I have noticed other people not bowing during the prayer or blessing and always wondered if that meant they were atheists like me but I have never had the gumption to go ask. I don’t want to “out” someone when they don’t want to be known as an atheist. Especially when they are family. Still, I wonder if anyone else has found compatriots this way.
December 28th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Laura you trickster you!!
I just realized something. YOU’VE MADE UP ZDENNY to promote controversy and discussion on your blog didnt’ you??? All the posts where he comments get 3x the action as the others. It’s a stroke of genius really.
I figured it out because a real person wouldn’t and couldn’t so moronically pronounce with such certainty what other people believe and make such ridiculous statements as “only Christians can comprehend beauty”.
But don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.
December 28th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
you caught me. What can I say? I am really a worshiper of Satan who made up everything on this blog and whose real purpose is to make Christians look bad. I even made up an entire blog with the name zdenny.
Wait, maybe it’s really YOU . . .
December 28th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Scott, that is great.
Indeed, Laura is obviously a blog-stats sell-out [Laura, you'd be proud of me censoring myself there]. She will do anything for stats including making unbelievable characters just to get us to make enticingly long threads. She is a Troll Puppeteer !
December 29th, 2009 at 3:40 am
I grew up with two fundamentalist parents. You name the stupid bs creationist lie, we were taught it as fact. Somehow, I got annoyed with religion at about the same time my twin (i call her Mini-Me) started studying Judaism in college, and my other sister was debating JW’s who came to her door. A couple yrs later, I noticed that youngest sister, who’s a full 13 yrs younger, had listed herself on myspace as an atheist. All four of us had all taken our own paths from fundamentalism to atheism. Maybe other members of your family will find their way as well. I’ll pray for them, Laura. : )
Jake
January 14th, 2010 at 1:25 am
Here’s our atheist meal prayer, “Bless the vits, and pass the grits!” or “The table’s wood, bless this food.” Whatever……..