Click here for part one.

January, 2006-July, 2006

Over spring break, Bob’s brother came to visit. I told Bob that I would need help with the house if his brother came, and he agreed. Of course he didn’t, though. The two left me to make dinner and do the dishes while they played video games and trashed the house I cleaned when I came home from school. Something to remember about the housework is that by this point, Bob had quit his job at Pizza Hut, and he and I both went to school for the same amount of time and worked at church nearly the same amount of time even though only he received a paycheck. Housework should have been split more evenly. After a few days of being pregnant, cooking, and cleaning with no help from Bob, I exploded. It was a nasty fight, the worst we’d had up to that point. I don’t remember the details, but I do remember yelling at him. I don’t remember what he yelled back, but I know he did because it ended with me leaving the house and spending the night at our other house (more on that later). I felt so embarrassed about fighting in front of his brother like that. I know I must have looked like a total psycho!

Things only went downhill from there. Though we made up like we always did, Bob just didn’t seem to care. Later, Steve told me that Bob told him that he didn’t really want a baby. I believe it, because he didn’t do any of those typical fatherly things. Steve did, ironically, since we were barely even friends. If I craved something and Steve was there, he would make Bob go get it. He was the one who tried to make Bob treat me nicely! I understand I was pretty worthless during that time period, but he was pretty mean occasionally. (Steve, if you’re reading this, I totally expect the same treatment if we ever have kids! )

Things weren’t all bad, though. I found that pregnancy in ministry was wonderful! Whereas before, people felt I didn’t do enough, now they gave me a free pass! I was pregnant! I needed my rest! It was a wonderful reprieve for me, though the pressure didn’t let up too much because the abuse they heaped on Bob didn’t stop. Women suddenly had a point of connection with me. We swapped pregnancy stories and remedies, and speculated over the gender. Things weren’t all better with the church, though. Financially, they still kept us under the poverty line, even though they had ample resource to pay us more. That year, they opted not to give us a raise, despite the fact that I was pregnant and that they gave raises to their employees every year. They also took away the line in the budget for health care for us, forcing me on government insurance. It was embarrassing.

I don’t remember every fight we had or every look of exasperation Bob gave me. I am sure I have blocked much of it out. I do remember the sexual pressure never let up, and I do remember having to wait in the car once when we went out for dinner, but I got sick. I also remember his frustration when we went shopping one day in the summer. The combination of heat and third trimester exhaustion made me no fun at all–I walked from the parking lot to the door, and that was all I managed to do that day. My GPA didn’t improve that semester, but I graduated in May.

At that point, I knew I didn’t want to be a stay at home mother, but I didn’t figure anyone would hire me pregnant, either. Since Bob would graduate in December, I decided not to start a professional job just to need six weeks off and leave it a few months after that, so temporary stay at home mother I would be. But those long hours at home with nothing to do except housework which I was, for the most part, too exhausted to do led to extreme boredom. By June, I was ready to crawl out of my own skin. By July, I was feeling depressed again. Starting mid-July, I began crying every day she didn’t arrive. I didn’t believe in induction, but when she missed her due date by two weeks, I called the doctor and scheduled on for Monday, July 31.  My family was thrilled because that is my grandfather’s birthday. We were hoping she would arrive that day, though we didn’t figure she would get here until August 1. But on Sunday, July 30, I plopped down on the bed and my water broke. (I remember thinking, yay! No church today!) Julieanne Grace arrived at 8:30am the next morning, on July 31 after all!

I remember the first time I saw my beautiful baby girl. I only held her for a moment before they whisked her away. I am embarrassed to say I didn’t mind too much. 23 hours of labor didn’t yield much sleep! I slept for a few hours before keeping her with me in my room the rest of the time. The nurses tried to get me to relinquish her so I could get some rest, but I was afraid they would give her a bottle, so I didn’t.  At least, that’s what I said. And it was true, but really, I didn’t think that anyone could care for her as well as I could! Now, three years later, I know that’s true, but I also know that doesn’t mean other people aren’t perfectly capable of caring for her! Rest would have been a good idea.

You would think that would be a good day, but Bob was not very nice then, either. He said something to me as we were leaving. I don’t remember exactly what, but I think I had complained about pain and he said something to the effect of  “Just get over it!” Whatever it was, it led to many tears on my part and apologies on his part. Our relationship never recovered.

Tags: Baptist, minister's wife, ministry

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