In April, my blog received an average of 69 views per day. Now, in less than three days, I have received over 8,000. I confess that I don’t really know how to handle the sudden change. I used to like to read and respond to comments, but I am finding that this is now a bad idea as there are too many to keep up with. I think I am going to have to learn to respond only to direct questions! Maybe an occasional post that I find very interesting, at least until the traffic dies back down. (I have no doubt it will!)

I do want to respond to this post, mostly because it seems to so neatly tie together several comments I have seen around the blogosphere. Claypotpreacher said

But just as this girl suffered insenstivity and a lack of care / concern from the guys, so now have all Christian people suffered the same from her. She points them out for their guilt, but fails to recognize that she is guilty too. Jesus taught forgiveness and grace. Where is that? Jesus taught us to treat people the way we want to be treated. Where is that? It is missing. And I would venture to say that if one can reject the faith so absolutely and conveniently, then they probably never had faith in the first place. And that is the worst tragedy of them all.

First, I want to state how flatly untrue it is that I rejected the faith “conveniently.” I lost EVERYTHING when I stopped being a Christian except my clothes (and the like). If you read some more of my posts, you will see how completely agonizing it was. The convenient thing would have been to stay, easy. While I truly enjoy my life now and have gained back some of what I lost, I most certainly could not see that I eventually would when I decided to walk out, and I am not all the way through the woods yet.  And, yes, a ton of hurt made it easier to leave the faith, but it in no way describes why I did. If you read through some more of my posts, you will see that this story is nothing compared to some of the other things that happened. Safe is just another illustration of what I view as a flawed system. I was not trying to have people feel sorry for me or anything of that nature: the incident happened eight years ago and I had completely forgotten about it until I read about a similar incident on another blog. No bitterness.

As far as how I have undermined Christians, I write what I write not to disparage Christians, but to point out the flaws. The new ARIS survey reveals that Christianity is one of the fastest disappearing religions in the world. My blog gives some insight as to why. I do not identify as a Christian anymore, but I do not hate Christianity or Christians. I do not even resent them. How can you fix what you do not know is broken? While I do not agree with Christianity or their methods, I see so much hurt that Christianity has caused. If Christians can see their shortcomings, maybe they can correct some of them. If Christianity sticks around for awhile (which I suspect it will), the very least it can do is try to stop hurting so many people. Christianity is declining, and most who forsake Christianity don’t become atheists. Those that still believe in God, I have found this to say: Christians don’t lose fellow Christians because people are sick of Christianity (usually), it is because they are sick of other Christians. (Atheists tend to have left Christianity for a bit more, in my own, anecdotal experience.) Really, as I am no longer a Christian, why would I care about forgiveness or grace to them or doing as Jesus taught and treating them the way I want to be treated? Going by that logic, I should try to completely crush them, because that is what they did to me! And really, does it make any sense that lecturing me on what a bad Christian I am/was is going to make any difference whatsoever except to convince yourself that what happened to me won’t happen to you because you are such a better Christian than I ever was? As far as treating others the way I want to be treated, I think I am pretty nice all things considered. I have dealt with much anger and resentment toward Christians. I have forgiven much, and again, write what I write to help, not to hurt. If Christians want to take what I write and simply be angry about it, that’s their business. But if you stop and actually read and think about what I’ve said, maybe you will learn something. My parents still attend my childhood church, and tell me that my church has learned a lot from me. They have learned a lot about how to treat their pastor’s wife. It comes through much brokenness, but the Catholic church was quite offended when Martin Luther pointed out their shortcomings. Look  at the influence he has had, though, and the change he caused. Don’t read what I write to be hurt: read what I write to learn. Though I try extremely hard to write in neutrality, and not bitterness or anger, I am still dealing with quite a bit of the havoc biblical principles wreaked upon my life. If you see a hint of anger or a lack of forgiveness, that’s my problem to deal with (and I am dealing with it!), not yours.

My blog also helps those coming out of Christianity find people to connect to. My whole life, I was taught that true Christians don’t leave. They don’t want to. So when I left, I felt so alone. But I’m not! However, I have found a shortage of women who have left the faith. Also, most atheist blogs by ex-Christians seem to primarily serve the purpose of explaining why they left. I seek to explain the process: how it’s hard, how it’s rewarding, joy, pain, all of the gory details. I don’t write it for attention. Mostly, this is an online journal of my experiences, past and present, with regards to religion in hopes that someone else who struggles in the same way I did can struggle a little bit less.

I find it very therapeutic to write about my experiences, because when I see them written and expressed, it is easier for me to let them go, so there is a third reason I write.

**If you are new to this blog, you might want to check out the following posts that further explain who I am and why I left Christianity:

1. Why I Stopped Believing in God

2. The Most Harm,  Part One (Read all four parts. The first link takes you to all of them.)

3. Episcopalian

**If you are a Christian reading this, you may want to check out dc’s comprehensive list of Convenient Categories.

Tags: Christianity

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 at 3:35 am and is filed under Church and Ministry, Life Today. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.