The Dad Shaped Hole
Monday, March 16th, 2009
It is rumored that there is a positive correlation between atheism and a poor relationship with one’s father in childhood. In my case, like it or not, it’s true–my father and I have never been close. Truth is truth whether we like it or not.
However, I am not even remotely convinced that this statistic is true, or at least, that it has any bearing on atheism vs. Christianity. If it is true, if a poor relationship with one’s father caused atheism, it would be the Christians that would be the minority because so many people have poor or non-existent relationships with their fathers, both of my fundamentalist parents included. Christians often say the reverse when it comes to their own lives–they turn to their heavenly father when their own earthly fathers disappoint them. So is it true that many atheists probably have a poor relationship with their father? Probably, but it is also true for Christians, thus negating any causal factors in it.
I think the biggest issue, however, is what does it say about the power of a god who cannot overcome negative experiences with one’s father? Positive image or negative images of our fathers and of our gods, this line of reasoning reduces God down to a projection of our own experiences. Perhaps they have it backwards. Perhaps it is not that people seek to fill a god-shaped hole in their life with dads, love, or other things. Perhaps many Christians are seeking to fill a dad-shaped hole with God.
Tags: atheism, Christianity, religion
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March 16th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I did hear many times growing up from people that God replaced their crappy father for them.
Personally I think the conflicting stats might just be from the fact that in modern society a lot of men are crappy fathers.
(not my daddy though
)
March 25th, 2009 at 2:30 am
“absent fathers, lost sons” absolutely changed my life.
family systems theory is something to get in and study. we’re products of our family history whether we’re aware of it or not. check it out!
March 25th, 2009 at 2:48 am
yes, I studied it for a year back when I was going for my LMFT. I didn’t like the program, however, and dropped out. It is a very interesting theory, though I believe that many of its practitioners take it too far, trying to use it as the sole explanation for many disorders. You can see a lot of it in reasonable practice on Super Nanny!
June 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I was SO MAD the first time someone tried this argument on me. Doubt I ever believed, if you must, but DO NOT go after my dad! He was awesome.
November 13th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Atheist, and good relationship with father. I don’t see any correlation.
Some sad posts though. I hope the best for you. I also hope for myself as I come under pressure to conform to Christianity that all turns out well. I am now a father and do not plan on hiding my ideas, though I know that could make things hard for my son if he ends up going to the Christian school and living in the church community.
November 24th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Although I’m a P.K., I love my father deeply, and I respect him although we greatly disagree on religion. I even think he would listen to me if I were to debate him and perhaps I could even convince him to throw away his silly attachment to religion. He is in his mid seventies now and I don’t want to harass him at all now, so I live with his superstitions whenever I visit.
So to recap, count me as an atheist with no major father issues.
December 15th, 2009 at 3:56 am
It is rumored that there is a positive correlation between atheism and a poor relationship with one’s father in childhood. In my case, like it or not, it’s true–my father and I have never been close.
Sorry, I have to say this because it’s the first time I’ve had a chance to say it since I’ve truly understood it. Correlation does not imply causation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correlation_does_not_imply_causation
Now, that being said, I can relate here. My father was totally absent from my life and I definitely fall under atheism in terms of world philosophies.. My mother and he divorced when I was either very, very, very young, or maybe not even born yet. So, is there a correlation? Perhaps. Is there causation? I highly doubt.
P.S. So far I’ve been reading your “My Story” posts and enjoying them very much so.
December 24th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Laura,
I want to say that I followed a link from Friendly Atheist last week and have since spent way too much time at work reading through your blog from the beginning. I think you are an amazing woman, you have been through utter shit, and you’re coming out the other side stronger and better. Your story is very inspiring to me, as I can’t imagine going through any of what you did.
Also, I do not think anything of that rumored correlation! I was a complete daddy’s girl growing up (and still am, although not as much since I live half the country away), and did not at all get along with my mother. Both my parents are devout Christians, although both of them only truly “found” the church as adults. I was a pretty devoted little Christian girl, although it never made any SENSE to me, I figured it was my fault…eventually I got sick of that and realized it was okay to say “BULLSHIT” and go my own way (being a physics major helped a LOT). And through it all my dad has been great. We still get along perfectly, although we don’t really discuss religion, but my father is a philosophy professor and so I have had many great philosophical debates with him.
So people with good fathers can find atheism too!! (Although even as I type that I feel like “finding” atheism is misleading and makes it sound like atheism is a religion, like the fundies like to claim. Oh well.)
♥
Nora
February 27th, 2010 at 12:49 am
“It is rumored that there is a positive correlation between atheism and a poor relationship with one’s father in childhood.”
I’ve heard the same thing about masochism. And being gay. I see no signs of it.
Actually, atheism is caused by indoor lighting. When there was no light, it was MUCH easier to believe in things that went bump in the night. So blame Thomas Edison!
April 13th, 2010 at 9:38 am
Even though it’s a super late comment, I just want to mention that I’m an atheist who has always had a terrific relationship with my father!