To further compound his error, my boyfriend’s father was close to the pastor, and my boyfriend decided that we were going to do the same thing. I never had a say. Any objections I raised were reduced to me being Satan and trying to cause him to stumble. The unspoken message I heard over and over again was that my sexuality was evil and that I was physically undesirable.

Looking back, I see how it is good that he left me (on accusations that I wasn’t a real Christian). And when I think about how that pastor’s daughter was treated, I can only imagine that it would have been even worse for your daughter. You may in fact have saved her life.

There is nothing good that is done with religion that cannot be done as well or better without it.

There are very bad things that are done with religion that cannot be done without it.

The first thing I read on your site was your blog about being humble and how conflicting it is to have a successful blog. After reading more of your posts, my feelings are that you don’t have to be perfect to be an inspiration. Especially on the non-theist side, i think most people don’t expect perfection (that is such a christian ideal). I think I know what you mean about being around people who aren’t looking at you through the filter of the bible but are just looking at you. I still get a warm fuzzy thrill whenever I find myself surrounded by people who are staunchly non-theist – it feels like such an atmosphere of honesty.

I also grew up in the Baptist church, the daughter of a tight-lipped and punitive deacon and a bitter, repressed mother. In hindsight, I accept that they did what they believed was best for me, but it was not an easy childhood. When I finally started to drift away from the church and religion in general, I began making a lot of mistakes due to naivete and an overwhelming sense of unassailable freedom. I’m still learning to live with these mistakes and not let them chase me in the shadows, but it’s difficult not to be bitter when I realize my parents could have prevented much of the damage by being honest with me about how life works.

Your writing vividly reminded me of something I realized a few months ago – I didn’t become an atheist because I saw god and couldn’t handle it, I became an atheist because I searched for god and couldn’t find him. Thank you for telling your story. I swear it’s like getting a hug to find someone who’s shared an experience similar to my own that I can relate to. I look forward to reading more of your writing when I have time (I just discovered your site and got sidetracked for at least an hour, and now it’s almost 3 a.m.

- Laura Riess

I would like to thank you for sharing. My parents aren’t pushy about their religion, but i also missed the sexual education and grew up with the thought that its best to leave sex to the “special person” who will be waiting for you. Even now I still feel that i somewhat agree with it even though it’s not what I truely believe.

Your story gave me goose bumps all the way and I cannot admire you enough for not becoming bitter. The end paragraph is so beautiful.

Thank you so much and good luck,

Ronald

Peace.

Paul

Over the last couple of years, I have also made the journey to atheism. Nothing has done more to bring peace and meaning to my life than losing “faith” and beginning to think clearly about life and the things that are real. I’m really glad that you have the courage to share your experiences with others. I hope that you continue writing and that many others will find their way to your site.

Best regards,

Josh

I’m glad you’re getting your life put back together, too, and found someone who respects you for who you are.

It has been 10 years for me since I separated from the church, and am finally in a relationship with a loving and caring man who I respect and trust….trust being the key word. As I was also raised with the belief that true love waits…i can remember many of the things I was taught as a girl growing up in the church….things such as…if you have sex before marriage…you will lose your “Ace in the Hole” (as if the only thing a woman has for power is sex/virginity).

I am now in my mid 30’s and so glad that I chose to break free of those belief systems…even if they seem like they are just simple beliefs…the damage that can be done emotionally to a woman’s personal power and self-respect is uncountable.

I too have done quite a bit of forgiveness and have come to a point of looking at my parents as emotionally stunted….and realized that they have done the best they could with the belief systems they have….belief systems they believe protect them.

I admire you raising your daughter to be an independent and confident woman. To me…that is huge…b/c you have broken the cycle.